MTLadventures

And so Dano decided that it was time to visit the great up north again. Little did we know it would probably be for the very last time. This time the Three Amigos all were available and we were the only ones who drove up. This is in the latter days of fall where the leaves are gone, the frost is present, the tans are all but faded away and the girls no longer sport those short skirts that we all love.

This time was special. It was different. Whenever we get time to spend together we find new ways to surprise each other and have the most fun possible. We decided the night before that we would go for supper beforehand. PortosFinest suggested that we try a restaurant that is well known for some his homeland cuisine. Being skeptical for most of these restaurants are just big names because the people that spread the word are mindless idiots - considering PortosFinest is some one I trust; I gave it the benefit of the doubt. The restaurant was more of a taste of what the rest of the night will be like, satisfying. Everything about being together with the amigos makes me giddy with joy - yeah giddy. After the meal we all got in the car and began to carpool our way up north.

This car ride among others was epic. Only 5 minutes in we all agreed that we were missing a “substance” that would be needed while up north. After looking through all our contacts we realized we don’t have any hook ups. So we began calling others for their hook ups and finally we were able to find a “hotline” that would deliver. Keep in mind this is the first time we ever did something like this and so we were a little uncertain how this process worked. We were instructed to meet a car at a local McDonalds and to have the cash ready. This is one of those moments in my life where I happen to be so proud of PortosFinest. I don’t think he even realized it nor did the rest of us at the time but this was some sketchy stuff. When we got to the McDonalds he casually got out of the car and entered the parked car.

PortosFinest  ”Okay guys give me some money”

Dick “That’s a nice car you think it’s his??”

PortosFinest “Just give me the money and I’ll go get it”

Dano also contributed some money and we felt confident we had enough to support our needs.

Dick “If you don’t come back I’ll drive home okay?!?”

PortosFinest continued out of the car and towards the parked car. He was in there for only a few minutes but seemed a while when were expecting to jet out of there at the first sign of trouble. I blame TV for our outrageous imaginations. When he returned, he had a big smile on his face. Of course the smile was warranted as PortosFinest purchased some exotic herbs. This type is more expensive and potent that your typical Californian rip off stuff. Now he settled in to the drivers seat and we waited for the pusher man to leave as we congratulated PortosFinest for this uncanny accomplishment.

Predictably the night proceeded with drunken debauchery and wonderful laughs thanks to PortosFinest.

I don’t remember much more of that night all expect laughing uncontrollably for several hours. Can you say success?

Dano

Dano

this morning im at school.

and i start playing aorund with my phone.

and i see that my internet is working finally.

so i open safari and what page is loaded?

your blog.

which story is it focused on?

the one where you fucked Dazed’nConfused in the ass lol

Dick

lol

Dano

what a great way to start my morning

For some reason this night sticks out in my mind. Nothing tremendously amazing or significant happen it was just one of those nights enjoying with the Three Amigos and at the time Dazed’n Confused. The game was meant to be a present for Dazed’n Confused’s birthday and for that reason it was suppose to be special and thoughtful. I was didn’t receive any recognition or gratification from her but rather my friends were much more grateful. Don’t get me wrong under normal circumstances she would have loved to be at the game and it would have been a wonderful present but at this time her feelings for me were not mutual. It was almost disturbing having her next to me the whole night. Thankfully I invited the other members of the Three Amigos because I got my hands on 4 tickets. I figured I would explain to Daved’n Confused that it was suppose to be PortosFinest and his girlfriend to attend the game but she bailed last minute so Dano took her place. Dazed’n Confused seemed satisfied with this explanation and I got away with having my buddies at the game while it being a celebration for her birthday. Now that’s some clever manipulation.

What I really wanted to share with you was the incident that took place while we had our seats. Besides the man next to us screaming “RYYYYDDDDDEEEEEEEERRRR” every time Michael Ryder touched the puck, or the beautiful Molson Ex girls in their skimpy outfits, there was this one woman, a particularly unattractive lady that when sitting displayed half her butt crack including her green thong. Now ladies, let me illustrate a fact. It is not hot, cool, hip, or sexy to have your thong fully exposed because your pants can’t be pulled up any either due to the enormous bulging stomach you have. The waist band on your pants should always stay at the same level whether you are sitting or standing, otherwise you are in need of a belt! Okay, also, if you are a mid-aged woman, woofing down hot dogs and beer, watching a sporting event and have the audacity to show up wearing a thong that is fully displayed to the audience, you should be harpooned and hung from the giant scoreboard at centre ice. Not only did her public display of indecency ruin the game because to matter how hard I tried the fluorescent green was always in my field of vision. I started to actually pay more attention to the monstrosity then the game. For some reason, when you notice something disgusting or out of the ordinary you tend to fixate on it, and that’s what I did.

Oh and for the attractive ladies that wear skimpy outfits with thongs showing, I say to you, keep up the good work. I’m all for that.

Room 225, showed on the bus to prove we had a hotel.

I left off at the point where we all had solid plans for the remainder of the night. I stayed behind at the bar solidifying Artsy for a wild night. The buses left at half hour intervals so all the guys and RussianGirl took a bus before me because I was preoccupied with drinking and impressing Artsy. Luckily Artsy fell for my humbleness and stayed with me the whole night. She was equally impressed when she pronounced she was going to the washroom and I should wait right there so she could find me again. I had no problem where I was and I wasn’t about to fail her test by leaving the exact position she told me stay at - now that I think of it, I sure will do stupid things for pussy. After a significant amount of time at the bathroom she returned and was just as bubbly as before. I suggested we go attempt to dance which is my way of saying “I’m not much of a dancer but I want you to grind my penis”. The dance floor was packed but Artsy made her way to the middle with me trialling behind. We started to dance and not too long after I planted a solid kiss on her lips. It took me awhile to get it down right since the moving and kissing while drunk isn’t always the easiest task. She didn’t seem to mind and we continued to make out and dance. After getting a message from my friends saying they had left and were already on the highway I decided to call it a night. She seemed desperate to stick around me even as I was going and eventually decided to come along with me. So we went on the bus and sat together. She lay around my arms while I touched her softly teasing her and preparing her to come back with me since I haven’t asked her yet. On the bus we got to know each other, in some sense. I tend to remember so much about a person, especially someone I was interested in and just finished groping the entire night. So I paid attention to every word this girl said but this girl can talk. I understand you open up when you are drunk but this was nothing I ever experienced. She just went on and on about her life. I think I can pretty much create a perfect character profile of this girl and I have known her for little over two hours. Despite her enthusiasm to be with me, which is quite humbling, I played it cool and waited for a good moment to bring up I have a hotel and she should come back with me. As we were getting off I brought it up and she didn’t hesitate one bit to accept. Things are definitely looking up. We take a cab back to the hotel and enter the room.

Talk about a change of pace from what I’m use to. This is whole new territory, bringing back a girl from a night out, a girl that I just met and not to mention is very cute. I can see why many people enjoy the single lie because it can definitely be like a roller coaster of events and everything is left in the unknown. I would like to say I’m confident that I can have weekends like this all the time but that’s just not very plausible. It’s just this trend of events for the past few weeks are unlikely to continue. I’ll have to try my best to make it continue for as long as I can.

We got in the hotel and headed straight for the bed. I laid her down and went to work. I effectively unhooked her bra and had my hand on her breast and then…

Artsy “I never do this, I don’t think I can do it.”

Dick “What do you mean, I don’t do this either, but it’s okay”

Artsy “I can go through with it”

Dick “Sigh. Moan. Grumble.”

I held everything it, I didn’t say a word for if I said anything it would have been something along the lines “What the fuck are you doing here then, why are you wasting my time you stupid cunt whore.” Obviously that would not have been to her liking so I kept her in bed and we made out and every few minutes I would make moves to her breasts and pussy and each time I would be deflected my her hands. Talk about being tough. I would like to say that I managed to get her naked and fucked the shit out of her but it seems like it wasn’t meant to be. Then the mother of all comments came.

Dick “Why don’t you want to, obviously you want from all this touching”

Artsy “I don’t know if you are going to call me tomorrow, I don’t want to be that girl”

Dick “_____”

NEVER have I heard anything so ridiculous! Are you kidding me. Here I am, in bed with this girl and she is worried I won’t fucking call her tomorrow! Are you kidding! I kept reassuring her I will call, text, knock on your front door, whatever you would like, so lets get it over with. She would still refuse each time! While this is all happening the rest of the crew is waiting outside until I finish. I realized it wasn’t going to progress any further so I let all the guys in along with RussianGirl. They set themselves up with TheGeneral, Dano and RussianGirl on the bed and PortosFinest on the floor. Artsy was pretty uncomfortable at this point but fuck her! Seriously she deserved to be kicked out of the damn room for her stupidity. The whole night we continued to make out and touch but nothing would progress “especially with people in the same room” as she would say. Thankfully my buddies saved the night with their hilarious babble throughout the night. Picture this, a hotel room with 2 girls and 3 guys, 2 beds, complete darkness, and a noisy air conditioner.

PortosFinest “Yo, stop touching my foot”

Dano “It’s not me fucccck”

TheRussian “shhhhhh”

PortosFinest “Dick, who’s the girl? Where she from?”

Artsy “I’m from Calgary estie.”

PortosFinest “French eh… eh get it eh Calgary eh. What do you have there, horses?”

Artsy “Shut up, I love my horses”

PortosFinest “What’s their names??”

Artsy “Shut up, I’m not telling you”

Dick “Please, please stop (trying to fool around with her)”

They just kept going on and on for hours like this, it was mostly Dano and PortosFinest while I was left with Artsy laughing my ass off at every comment. These are good guys and they made my night.

The night in a whole was sick, and very memorable. I would like to extend this story longer because there are tons of details I missed out but I felt bad about teasing you in the last story so maybe I’ll add to it as I remember new stuff.

DUSTED

DUSTED, what!?!? Yeahhhhhhhhhhh.

This is going to be the hardest story to express on here for the sole reason that I can’t properly express how amazing this night was. DUSTED stands for drinking an unsuspecting town entirely dry. With a event name like that you can be sure for the night to be an epic success. The event would include hundreds of university students embarking on  With the anticipation building for the entire week I was becoming concerned that maybe my expectations were being set too high. The night was planned to include the Three Amigos and Tulip to set off on this adventure. After throwing around some ideas I came up with the idea of renting a hotel room we wouldn’t have to worry about getting home and for the other obvious advantages. Because of this idea Tulip backed out the day of the event, she claimed it would be uncomfortable sharing a hotel with three guys. I still don’t see the big deal, lets say I didn’t want her to come just for sex then in that case what’s so bad about actually sleeping in a bed together for one night. Tulip’s immaturity was definitely shinning through that week and i just pissed me off so I haven’t bothered returning any of her messages. Now I was left with an extra ticket for the event so who better to invite than TheGeneral. TheGeneral is a good friend who doesn’t come out with us very often but when he’s there you can be assured some thing worth wild is going to happen. He brings a party with his neo-fascist ideologies that dubbed him his nickname. TheGeneral has a similar power of wooing girls as PortosFinest but with TheGeneral things can develop in more of just a flirting session. So you can imagine with TheGeneral being let out of his cage and the Three Amigos ready for adventure it was bound to be a special night.

Friday- Night of DUSTED “Dick”

4:00 - I finish class and walk down to the Hotel and calls Tulip one last time to see if she wants to drop by the hotel for a “tour” of the room to see what she is missing out on - Fails.

4:15 - I take a shower and watch TV in the room. I discover the curious noise the air conditioner makes and I realize it is extremely annoying and so I raise the room temperature about 10 degrees so the damn machine wouldn’t go on.

6:00 - After watching a few hours of HGTV there’s a knock on my door, finally Dano, PortosFinest and TheGeneral arrive. They bring with them a giant bottle of Jack Daniels and I decide it’s best I get food in me before I start the serious drinking.

6:30 - I’m finished my Big Mac and I catch up drinking with my buddies. We leave 30 minutes later. Dano’s text messaging craze begins.

7:10 - We arrive at the designated spot to wait the arrival of the buses. Our anticipation and high level of enthusiasm is slightly muffled from the long wait we will have to patiently face. RussianGirl makes an appearance. I make the inevitable introductions and TheGeneral starts learning Russian.

8:00 - A few old friends are recognize us and few are forced to interact and “catch up”. RussianGirl sticks around and looks like she will be with us for the night. Dano and PortosFinest bring out some old school childish games that prove to humiliate me in “good fun”. What? Yehahhh

9:00 - We receive our red t-shirts and get on a bus. We notice the attractive girls are mostly found wearing blue shirts. That’s probably explained by the fact that the colour represents which faculty you belong to, and of course we were stuck with the majority of guys in engineering. Dano shows us some of his text messages and I decide to forgive him for texting all the time because they are fucking funny.

9:30 - Beer is passed around the bus and the drinking continues. We start heading west.

??:?? - We arrive at the bar Le Saint somewhere west of Montreal. The bar has a giant angel at the entrance and this makes us laugh, maybe it was the irony of the angel on a bar, the amount of beer in our system or the fact everyone on the buses ran out to find the closest bush to pee on - that included people’s private lawns.

Entering the club we realized this was going to be a special party. Not even 20 minutes into the night and there was a corner of blue shirts already stripping down to their underwear. We found an advantageous spot at the bar and began drinking. I was already feeling the effects of the bus beer and Jack Daniels we had before but that didn’t stop me from attaining to attain what I believed to be a state of complete euphoric drunk. While working on achieving that state of drunk, many girls approached us as if we created a line up and advertised our presence. Sadly these were not the most attractive of the bunch and we quickly dismissed most of them. RussianGirl found us again after disappearing in the crowd and that would be the last time she lost us or we lost her - she stuck to us like glue. TheGeneral now having worked TheRussian over with his uncanny flirting abilities, took her to the dance floor to get down. So we casually followed suit and danced along.

After scoping out the area for possible hook ups I was always distracted by people I would consider acquaintances or better yet “Facebook friends”. You know how you have to acknowledge their existence or else you are just being a complete ass and you create this uneasy feeling in the air. From past experiences, I decided to interact with every single one of these friends and bypassed the whole awkwardness. Now with that out of the way I tried to find Dano. Dano is the closest of my friends that I can relate to considering he’s the only single one (besides TheGeneral) and has been pretty successful at it. Since I’m new at the real single life I’m taking notes and learning from my mistakes  (Dick gets what he wants, then fails”). I finally meet up with Dano and surprised to see that he’s still dancing along with PortosFinest, TheGeneral and RussianGirl. I join in a bit but my dancing skills are definitely not those to be admired for a long amount of time. After grabbing a few complementary drinks at the bar I watched TheGeneral work his moves on RussianGirl, she was dry humping him like she was trying to get to the middle of a tootsie roll. He spotted me watching them and he laughed giving me a thumbs up. Knowing him, all he would have to do is make a solid move and he would be in RussianGirl’s pants by the end of the night.

I ended up finding Dano close by drinking a beer next to two girls that were being swarmed by four guys. I see this as an opportunity to make my entrance. Since it was a slow night for meetings girls I figured there wasn’t much to loose in this attempt. I made small talk with one of the girls that had a green t-shirt. I thought it was odd since everyone else had either a blue or red shirt but she claimed there was one bus full of green shirts. I wasn’t about to argue with her on the dance floor. Nevertheless, I offered to but her a drink at the bar. She accepted and followed me to the bar. We were served by this bartender with amazing breast that can rival those of Tulip’s. I stopped staring at her because I remembered I was suppose to pay attention to this girl i just met, “Artsy”. Artsy striked me as a typical art student with a quirky personality. I instantly felt at home playing with her through our conversation. I find that to be the most fun when meeting new people - how far can you flirt, insult and mess with someone before they either leave or stay and decide to interact back. I was on fire with my crude sarcastic comments with a little cutness behind them. She seemed like a pretty good shot to bring back with me to the hotel and so I did my best. Artsy immediately fell for my charm and didn’t hold back telling me that fact. I was amazing and special within minutes of meeting her, now that’s quick work on my part.

Everyone finally met up with us at the bar and we all continue drinking. The night ended without any problems and we all found something to bring back to the hotel. I had Artsy, Dano and TheGeneral brought back RussianGirl and PortosFinest had the bottle of JackDaniels waiting for him.

The best parts are to be continued…